you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
