k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
