Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
