Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
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Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
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Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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