I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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