I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
