Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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