Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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