I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
