I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
