I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
