if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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