Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
