I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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