So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
