Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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