They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
