dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
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she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize