wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
