Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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