My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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