3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
