Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize