I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
