in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
