im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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