my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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