I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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