Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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