I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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