my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
