I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
