honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
