Is it normal to miss your booty call?
How's work?
Spinning.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
