I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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