I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
