Me too!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
