Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
