I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
