Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
