I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
