had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
