They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
