dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
