Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
