it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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