I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
