Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
