I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
