i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How does one acquire holy water?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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