So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
