Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
