Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
