you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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