She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
