This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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