I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
