I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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