i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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