Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
