Christians are straight up FREAKS
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
