my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
