Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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