fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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