Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
