well I can't set my house on fire every night
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
