I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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