3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
