hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
