nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
