I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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