I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
