I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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